Dan's Avoidance
by ObsessedKitsune
Summary: Dan is really insecure about his crush on Phil. There is absolutely no way Phil would like him back. So why is Phil so desperate to see him after Dan began avoiding him a week back?


Dan shifted awkwardly on the couch, aware of how easy it would be to just close the distance between him and Phil. To just lay his head on Phil's shoulder and cuddle close to him. He sighed and looked away from Phil, knowing there was no way that would even be remotely possible. Phil would probably be disgusted with him. No, he _would_ be disgusted with him.

Dan knew Phil was straight, if the stories of his past girlfriends were any proof. Add that to the fact that Phil was entranced with girl celebrities, it showed that he was totally, 100% straight. It hurt Dan because he knew he loved Phil, but he didn't know if Phil would be okay with him being gay. He knew Phil wasn't a homophobe, but Dan was his friend, and they lived together so he had no clue if Phil would react positively or negatively.

It was either Phil would continue to treat him the same and not think of him any differently. Phil would kick him out and never speak to him again. Or Phil would just act differently around him. Either way Dan would feel horrible. Dan chewed thoughtfully on his bottom lip, should he tell? Either way he was in a lose-lose situation. He could feel the information always invading his mind and it usually tickled the back of his throat. He knew he _wanted _to say it. On the other hand if he did say he didn't know what would happen.

He could lose fans. He could lose _Phil. _He could even lose his job as a Youtuber.

"Are you okay Dan?" Dan jumped and turned to look at Phil, who was staring worriedly at him. Dan forced a laugh and pasted a smile on his face. He knew if Phil sensed his mood Phil would most probably want to hear what was bothering him. That and he didn't want to bother Phil with his issues, knowing Phil took Dan's moods very seriously. His friends' moods. It wasn't just Dan that Phil worried about.

"I'm fine," Dan laughed, "Why? Did you think the fangirls got me down?" He winked at Phil and inwardly winced. He sounded so fake and why the fuck did he wink? Phil would know something was wrong. The only time Dan ever winked was when he watched High School Musical, and it had been months since he watched that!

Phil glanced at him suspiciously but accepted the answer, knowing instinctively that Dan didn't want to talk. "Anyway, did you wanna have a Death Note marathon? I can make the popcorn." He smiled.

Dan breathed a sigh of relief, glad Phil had changed the subject, but he knew that would be a bad idea. Seeing as how he already wanted to cuddle up to Phil. If he was here for the amount of time all the Death Note episodes were he would probably either break and cuddle up to Phil, or explode. Which he thought the latter would be better.

"Sorry Phil, I have to, uh, edit my video. Maybe tomorrow." He said and fled to his room.

Phil stared silently after Dan for a while. He was worried about his best friend. Dan had been acting so closed off lately. Where before Dan would always sit kind of close to Phil, which Phil knew was because Dan was a closet cuddly type. Now he sat as far away as he could on their small couch. Though he never did sit on the other furniture. Which means he must want the close proximity. For some reason he wasn't letting it happen though. Phil frowned.

Not only that but Dan had been spending an awful lot of time in his room. He usually would have stayed in the lounge in his browsing position, even if he didn't say a lot. Now he was in his room most of the time and had to be called out for food, instead of running at the first smell of it.

He couldn't help but think he had done something to make Dan upset. He ran through a mental list of things he had done lately. He supposed it could have been the prank he pulled, where he pretended to be Dan's favorite celebrity on a phone call. Though Dan hadn't acted mad after. He had actually found it funny and had even complimented Phil on his pranking skills. It could also have been when Phil stole Dan's phone, but Dan was fine with that as well, saying he had nothing bad on his phone that needed hidden.

Coming to the conclusion that either what was going on was purely Dan overthinking things or just that Dan was a good actor and Phil had done something to upset him, Phil settled in and started up Death Note. Knowing that at this point there was no way to actually make Dan talk.

He would just have to wait for Dan to come to him. Throughout the first episode of Death Note Phil was barely able to concentrate. He knew he had to be missing something about Dan's strange behavior. He ran through the scene again and paused. He gasped, Dan had been staring at him. While Phil was scrolling through Tumblr, Dan had been staring at him with red staining his cheeks. Maybe, maybe Dan had a crush on him. He would have thought that to be stupid but all signs pointed to that. First Dan occasionally stared at him for minutes at a time. Then Dan always wanted to be close to Phil. Which was a sign because he barely ever wanted to be around his other friends.

There was also the fact that Dan always seemed kind of fascinated by the Phan tag on Tumblr. Phil had caught him many times scrolling through the tag with a blush staining his cheeks, but had considered it to be because he was trying to find a way to get to know the fans.

Gnawing on his bottom lip and running a hand through his hair Phil smiled. If Dan really did have a crush on him that was a really good thing. Phil had had a crush on Dan since they met but had been far too shy to actually admit to it. He had also been really scared of what Dan's reactions would be. Which is why he usually tried to pretend to be interested in other celebrities. He smirked, well he had some planning to do.

Dan peered around the corner of his door, hoping Phil would be in his room. After fleeing to his own room those many nights ago Dan had had time to think and had thought that maybe if he avoided Phil for a while the crush would go away. So that was his new mission, to stay away from Phil for as long as humanly possible. Which he had been able to do for about a week now. Though there had been the setback of Phil again asking him to watch Death Note, though Dan had been able to get away from that.

So when he looked out and noticed all the lights and the Tv were off he breathed a sigh of relief and left his room. He headed to the kitchen, starving after missing dinner and his snack. He wished he would have taken Phil up on his offer of watching Death Note, because then at least he could've had popcorn. He had a mission though, and if anyone knew anything about him, they knew he was stubborn and when he set his mind to something he would always do it.

He mentally cheered at having gotten to the kitchen without waking Phil. Phil was a light sleeper, and that meant that this feat was quite the good one. Grabbing a bag of Maltesers off the shelf Dan turned around and nearly screamed. Standing in the doorway was a tall figure that seemed to glow in the moonlight drifting through the windows. On second glance Dan saw it was Phil and breathed a sigh of relief. Then stiffened. Fuck. His mission. He judged the distance between the door and him and made a run for it.

Clenching his Maltesers he made a break for it, and was surprised when a very agitated Phil wrapped his arms around his middle and held him. Dan paused, what was Phil doing? Because it seemed as if Phil was clinging to him.

"Uh Phil can you let go of me?" He heard a growl and then felt the arms tighten around him. Fidgeting uncomfortably Dan tried to wriggle his way out of Phil's grip, feeling himself become lightheaded as emotions swirled in the front of his mind.

"Dan." Phil mumbled and Dan stilled. It felt nice being hugged by Phil and maybe Dan had been craving this closeness too. So pushing the mission to back of his head he relaxed. The warmth resonated throughout his very being and he allowed Phil to just hold him. All his doubts and fears vanishing.

Phil took a deep breath, "Dan, do you know how much it hurt me when you started ignoring me?" Phil mumbled into Dan's shoulder. Dan tensed and attempted to turn around, hindered by the arms surrounding him, so he opened his mouth instead, "I-"

"Shut up!" Phil snapped. Dan obeyed, weary of the demanding tone Phil had just used on him. "Dan I know why you've been avoiding me."

Dan tensed and tried to wrestle his way out of Phil's grip. If Phil knew that meant Phil had to have had something planned. Maybe Phil was going to harm him. Maybe Phil was going to let him go and never talk to him again. Either way Dan was scared.

"Dan!" Phil snapped again, and again Dan stilled, recognizing Phil's tone as when that meant to obey. "I'm not judging you Dan." He paused to take a breath and Dan wondered why his voice had been so shaky. "I...love you."

Dan's whole world screeched to a halt. Phil loved him...no! Dan's face hardened and he succeeded in working his way out of Phil's arms and turned around. "Are you kidding me Phil? Are you fucking kidding me?! You figure out I love you and your way of dealing with it is messing with me!" At this point his voice was practically a screech and ignoring Phil's confused and hurt face he turned around and slammed the door shut to his room. The bang resonating throughout the silent house.

Phil stared after Dan, his blues wide with surprise. What. Just. Happened? He had confessed to Dan and Dan thought he was lying. He supposed he hadn't been able to follow through with the plan. Actually it hadn't been the ideal situation to confess at all. Though it hadn't really been Phil's fault, he had missed Dan and when he finally saw him he just wanted him back and just wanted to be close to him. All the emotions just came out.

Phil's eyes narrowed and he decided it was better to go through with the plan after than let Dan think he was lying. So looking at the clock which said 1:30 am, he headed to his bedroom. There he reached under his bed and withdrew $100. With this money in hand he left the house, intending to go down to the store. At least this way he wouldn't forget.

So upon reaching the store he headed to the snacks section. He picked up 5 giant packs of Maltesers and then headed for the stationery section where he grabbed some giant sheets of paper and some large markers.

He waited anxiously at the checkout until his turn and ignoring everything around him he bought the stuff and headed out, practically running to get back to the apartment. He was desperate to set this plan into motion and he knew for a fact that it would take quite a long time to get ready. So sending a quick tweet out, he told the fans that as tomorrow was Saturday and he was busy he would not be able to do a liveshow. His phone buzzed multiple times and he ignored them knowing it was the fans asking questions and complaining. Dan was far more important.

Locking himself in his room once he got home he set to work on his plan. Phase 1…

The next day dawned bright and Dan forced open his crusted eyes. He didn't feel particularly refreshed and he knew that was because he hadn't gotten much sleep last night. Hearing rustling downstairs he groaned. Why was Phil up so early? He opened his mouth to shout out the question and his mouth snapped shut as he remembered last night. Oh…

He had behaved so childishly. He didn't actually believe Phil would be so cruel as to mock his feelings, but he couldn't believe Phil would actually love him. He was Dan Howell. Prone to existential crises, weak, out-of-shape Dan Howell. There was no way someone as utterly perfect as Phil would love him.

So with a sigh Dan rolled over in his bed and closed his eyes, intending to spend the whole day wallowing in self pity. He must've fallen asleep because he woke up to his door slamming open. Jumping slightly Dan instinctively turned and glanced at the door, trying to see who had woken him up. There in front of him was a very tired looking Phil.

"Phil, w-w-"

Phil grabbed him by the arm before he could finish speaking and dragged him to the lounge where he threw Dan down forcefully, and moved to stand right in front of him.

"Now Dan I want you to listen and listen closely, and I will not let you go until this "game" is finished. I want no complaining and I am going to explain these in detail. So deal with it."

Dan winced but nodded, remembering only one other time when Phil had talked to someone like this. Dan frowned, that time had been when someone had been flirting with Dan and would not stop no matter what. Phil had gotten snappish and talked in a voice that encouraged obedience. He still wondered why Phil got so weird over it…

"Ok," Phil said and pointed to the paper containing the word "pretty. "This may look like a girly word, but everytime I look at it I think about you Dan." Dan opened his mouth to express his disbelief but Phil silenced him with a look and continued, "Your eyes are a dark brown that always gleam, and when you smile you have to cute dimple on the side of your mouth. Your hair always falls perfectly and your figure always has soft curves. Your hipbones jut out in a way that is just entrancing."

Dan blushed and tried to look away but found his eyes were stuck on Phil. He could feel his insecurities creeping up, but when Phil looked him in the eye and said, "I love how pretty you are." He couldn't but feel embarrassed, but his insecurities were silenced.

Phil started again with pointing to a paper below the other and tapped the word "cuddly". Dan blushed even harder.

"Whenever we sit together you always sit super close to me, and then in the middle of the film your head is usually resting on my shoulder. I always felt that you would do that with everyone but I finally realized that I only ever saw you do that around me. I felt special. So what I'm saying is I love how cuddly you are."

The words continued, ranging from "smart" to "funny. To "nice" to how "sarcastic" he was. He was blushing the whole time and felt tears collect in the corner of his eyes. What did he do to deserve someone as sweet as Phil? Why would Phil…? Why would Phil do so much for him even after how rude he had been?

After the last word had been said, the room filled with silence. Dan was trying to reign in his tears and Phil was letting Dan digest what was happening. Finally after 30 seconds of silence Dan stood up and lunged at Phil. Finally giving in to his fantasies of pulling Phil close and kissing him. Phil laughed into the kiss and Dan silenced him, there was no time for talking. They had been stupid much too long and Dan was tired. He was tired of all the doubts. He was happy to finally be able to do what had been bothering him for months. The thought in his head before he finally succumbed to feeling was, _I love you._


End file.
